My name is Ryan Hoyt and i'm a juinor at CPHS. I like to play video games, play bass guitar in my band King's Ace. I am pretty big, but i'm actually a gentle giant

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Short story
It was a beautiful fall morning. Mr. Jack Studmeister woke up in his room. To his suprise, he found to half naked women on his bedroom floor sound asleep.
"What the hell is going on here,"he yelled. This woke up the two women in his room.
"Don't you remember last night,we had fun "chemical bonding"," said the taller, blonde woman.
"All three of us went to bed veerry happy," said the shorter, red haired woman.
"I don't know what happened or who you are, get out of my room," Studmeister yelled.
"Fine, see if we ever pay attention in your class again," yelled the two woman.They then stormed out of his house.
Mr. Studmeister had no idea that he was drunk as hell the night before and slept with the two women. He does this because he is a stud, and if your a stud, you can do whatever the heck you feel like. Studmeister then looked at his alarm and saw that he had overslept three hours.
"Oh snap, I better hurry,"said Studmeister.
Mr. Studmeister was a science teacher at Bealzebub School for the Gifted. Since he is a stud, he hits on every hot girl that comes into his class.
As he rushed out the door, Mr. Studmeister decided to get hot chocolate from Caribou. He decided to walk, seeing as how it was very nice outside. As he walked, he could feel the fall breeze against his skin. There were brightly colored leaves falling from the trees, it was a beautiful sight.
"Ah nature's biology, as beautiful as the biology of some of my students" said Studmeister.
As he walked int Caribou, he was startled. He saw his favorite student Kina. He had a thing for Kina, and hit on her every chance he got. It was to the point where he had an obsession with her.
"Uh...hey Mr. Studmeister,"said Kina,stuttering.
"Hey Kina, hows it going,"said Mr. Studmeister.
"Not bad."
"Are you going to the football game?"
"Yeah, Achilles will be there and I know you are going to coach."
"Can I get some hot chocolate."
After Studmeister recieved his drink, he made one of the cheesiest pickup lines ever.
"I'll see you in chemistry Kina, but it looks like we already have some chemistry."
"Mr. Studmeister, you're such a stud,"said Kina,gigling.
As Studmesiter walked to school, his mind kept thinking of Kina. He had an obsession with her and wanted her badly. Every time that he saw her, he went crazy.
After he was done being a perv,he took his medicine. Mr. Studmeister had to take his medicine everyday, or else he would go back to the way that he used too be. As he walked through the halls, he saw his usual sights. He saw Mr. Kappu making fun of kid as usual. He saw Rasheem, eating his usual 200 donuts in about ten minutes. He waw Christine, who always skips, come and aproach him.
"Hey, yesterday was pretty cool," said Christine.
"What happened" said Studmeister.
Remember, we skipped school and got drunk," said Christine.
"Did anybody find out," said Studmeister, in a defensive tone of voice.
"Find what out," said Christine.
"Nevermind, its nothing," said Studmesister.
As he continued on his way, he saw Jasper Jenkins starring in his classroom window. Jasper is a creepy old man wh looked at kids through windows. He was pretty much the exact opposite of Mr. Studmeister.
"Howdy there Mr. Studmeister," said Jasper.
"Hello Jasper," sighed Studmeister.
"Alot of bright young minds in this class," said Jasper.
"Jasper, do we have to go through this again? You can't keep stalking kids like this," said Studmeister.
"But you keep hitting on-"
"Yes I do,and I can do ti because I'm a stud.Look at you, you're a forty year old janitor who is a short and fat," exclaimed Studmeister.
"Oh fine, I wish I was a stud," sighed Jasper.
After dealing with Jasper, Mr. Studmeister walked into his room. His room was very large, maybe on of the largest in the school. There were brightly colored lights and sunllight that came into the room through the numerous windows. As he looked around , he saw Kina. He immediatley had lost control of himself. He wanted her, and he couldn't wait any longer. He had to have her and had to have her now.
"Hey Kina, can I talk to you outside for a few minutes,"said Studmesiter, in a stern tone of voice.
"Um sure,"replied Kina.
They then steped outside the classroom.
"Kina, there's something I have to tell you," said Studmeister.
"I know, i'm in love with you too," said Kina.
"No, it's not that, it's something much more important.Kina...I'm not really the stud that you think I am. I was actually born Jill Evans," he said.
"Are you saying that-"
Yes,I had a sex change and am actually a woman."
"OH MY GOD," yelled Kina.
"I know its different, but will you still love me."
"Yes I will,"replied Kina
They went to the janitors closet to make out. It was extremely intense, as the two really loved each other. However, the door suddenly opened and there was Jasper Jenkins.
"Why does everybody have to make out or have sex in my closet," said Jasper.

Personal Memoir

I have liked Ana for the past year and a half. I have always wanted to ask her out. Every time I want to I end up chickening out. Now, I'm finally going to ask her out and i'm going through with it this time. I got advice from my friend Pablo, and here I am. It is right after third hour and I haven't been able to find her. I run into Pablo and start to panic.
"This sucks, I can't find her anywhere," I said, panicing.
"There she is man, just go for it," Pablo said,encouraging me.

I knew she was there, I was just too nervous to ask her out. This was the first time I had asked a girl out, and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
"All right, I'm going for it," I said to myself, sweating and short of breath.

I've chickened out too many times and I'll be damned if I do it again. I've waited a year and a half for this and I'm finally going to do it. There I saw her, talking with her friend. Damnit, I can't do it, not like this. They walked towards the A wing, and I followed at a distance. I followed her for about two minutes, my heart beating faster and louder with each beat. Her friend just left, she was all alone. It was now or never and I decided that my time was now.

"Hey Ana, uhuhuh, hows it going," I said, damnit I was choking.
"Oh Ryan, I didn't expect to see you here," Ana said.
"Hey,umm,I was,um, wondering if you would go to the football game with uhh, me," I stuttered, sounding like a total dumbass in the proccess.
"Like a date?"Ana replied.
"Um, yeah" I said.
"No thanks, I don't really want a boyfriend right now,"She replied.
"Okay then, I'll uh, see you around," I said.

Hipty dipty freakin wonderful, I just made an idiot of myself in front of the girl I've liked for the past year and a half. At the same time, I was pretty proud of myself. I had finally grown a set of balls and asked a girl out. She said she didn't sant a boy friend, so its not like she straight up said no.
After fourth hour, I decided to wait by the balcony for my friend Jared. Jared is probably the coolest friend I have and is pretty much the solution to all my problems. As I stood there waiting, I looked down and what do you know, I see two people making out. Upon closer inspection, I realize that it is Ana making out with Pablo. Right as I saw this, Jared showed up.

"Oh hell no," I angrily said to myself under my breath, "You got to be fu**ing kidding me. I couldn't believed it, that bastard stabbed me in the back and planed it all along. And Ana, man don't even get me started on her. She flat out lied to me and played me for a fool. I want to ask her out for a year and a half and this is how it ends up.

"DAMNIT," I yelled, not caring what any one else though.

"Hey man, chill out. I know your pissed, but complaining about it won't make it go away," said Jared. Jared always had a way with calming me down, even when I wanted to tear someone's head off.

"Thanks dude, I need that," I said.

We then went home, deciding to take my bus. The immature freshman that dominate my bus bugged the crap out of me, only adding to my frustration. Once we got home, Jared decided Pablo on his cell phone to see if he was doing anything. He found out that he was going to El Toro with his "family", what a load of crap. I then decided to formulate a game plan to make them miserable. I know it seems a little cruel and juvenile, but drastic times call for some drastic measures. Besides, they did lie to me and stab me in the back, so all is fair.

As I thought about exactly how to extract revenge, I came up with probably the stupidest idea I have ever thought of. I thought that we could dress up as a mexican band and sabotage the date. Jared could bring his acoustic guitar and I could use an old crappy harmonica I have somewhere. We could play bad music, screw up their order and "accidentaly spill a few drinks. I decided to pitch the idea to Jared.

"You're kidding right? Out of every stupid idea you've thought of, this has to be the absolute worst," said Jared, "But it is so dumb, that we might be able to make it work.

Then that was it, the plan was set. For the disguises, we decided to go to a costume shop. We bought two sombrero's, two fake mustaches and a black wig. I changed into my suit and Jared put on his tux. We then put on the finishing touches and we were of to El Toro.

What I needed to say
Dear ******** ******
There's something
I think I need to say
that I think
I'm in love with you
(poem starts)
For half a year
I sat behind you alone and scared
afraid of talking and rejection
an all consuming fear
confining me in my shell of protection
And when that class was through
I didn't think that it was true
and thats when it hit
I realized how I felt about you
At first I couldn't believe it
The more I think about you
the more I wish you were here
a hope
a wish
a dream
On my bed I would lay
look up to the heavens and pray
the clock reads half past nine
wishing there would be another day
get the chance to make you mine
And now you're next to me
once again
I talk to you everyday
no longer afraid
Instead, hopeful
this is what I needed to say

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Locker

My locker
massive, vibrantly blue
Inside its depths
my whole life is stored
sometimes it's loving and compassionate
sometimes it's cruel and punishing
and it won't let me in
Every night
it sits there
begging me to come back to it
as if it can't live without me
Storing all my secrets
for only me to see
Until next year
when it tosses me aside
Waiting for its new master

Where I From
I am from my friends
Halo parties, jam sessions and cabin trips
I've been to hell and come back
obtaining wounds that may never heal
slowly climbing out of its depths
I aquired newfound faith
Forever changing who I am and will become
I am from my family
from a loving mother who cared
to a giving father who was always
and a brother who is loud and annoying
but no matter what, I will always love him
I am from Mettalica and Shinedown
AC/DC and Petrucci
Playing the bass guitar
jamming to a steady beat
Love,laughter and excitement
this is where I am from

From Far Away
I'm looking at you from far away
seeing how amazing you truly are
Wishing you were in my arms right now
you are right here, yet you are so far
You're beautiful, like the morning sunrise
a bright, radiant personality
I get that warm feeling when I look into your eyes
wondering, if I'm still in reality
And In the blink of an eye, you were gone
before I realized what I even had
An illustrious gem, gone for far too long
every time I think about it, I get mad
I hope I'll make the most of it this time
Then maybe, I'll get to call you mine

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

My tortured love situation is about Bob, who likes this girl named Sarah. However, his friend Bill also likes Sarah. Naturally, they fight over her, creating a tortured love situation. My poem will be from the perspective of Bob(very cheesily dramatic.)

How I Feel
I love her,
I really do.
I think about her everyday
she's always on my mind,
Sarah means the world to me.
She is like the sun,
bright, beautiful,
always cheering me up,
But Bill,
Damnit Bill
why did you
get involved?
I loved her long before
you even knew
who she was.
As soon as I
got close to her
you tried to steal her.
We've never fought before,
why do we have to
fight over her?
Only one can have the prize.
I found the treasure
before you did.
And whatever he does,
I'm not letting go of it.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Bob and Ed’s Bad Day
(I apoligize for the effed up formating.)

[listening to music]
I’ve been waiting forty minutes for this stupid bus and it still hasn’t showed up, I’ve listened to this song ten times.

[BOB checks his watch to see what time it is]

Oh crap, its 7:50, now I’m late for first hour.

[BOB’s friend ED shows up from the next bus stop to figure out why the bus isn’t showing up.]
Hey Bob, have you seen the bus yet?

Of course I have, that’s why I’m still standing here.

Very funny Dave Chapele, but seriously, you think the bus company would plan for road construction.

[After waiting for a while longer, BOB and ED finally figure out that their bus isn’t coming.]

Damnit, the frickin bus still hasn’t showed up. You think we should just stay home and hang out.

No thanks, I’ll just walk to school.

[asking desperately]
Come on, we could stay home and play my Xbox all day, order pizza, what isn’t there to like.

I don’t know, just the fact that we’ll be in deep crap. I don’t know about you, but I’m going.

[speaking angrily]
Fine, I’ll go. Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you.

[Bob and Ed then walk to school, stopping for breakfast at McDonald’s along the way. ]

Yeah, I’ll take an egg Mcmuffin and a large orange juice.

I’ll just take a small milk.

Mcdonald’s clerk
That’ll be $5.00
[BOB and ED pay the money and find a place to sit.]

[talking with mouth full]
Man, this is good stuff. How come all you got was a small milk when you can get
a lot better stuff?

All that fast food is bad for your health, and why are you talking with food in your mouth?
[yelling with food in his mouth]
Who cares if it’s bad for your health, it tastes good. Man, you’re a geek sometimes.

Correction, I’m a nerd. Geeks don’t admit their nerds, nerds do
I seriously wonder why I keep you around. Hey, you want to go see a movie or something.
I already told you I’m going to school. I have a chemistry test next hour. If I don’t show up, my A+ will go down to an A and my two year string of A+ will be over.[ED goes into a panic.] Then my friends will shun me, my teachers will look at me as another average kid, I won’t get into NHS, there’s no way I’ll get into college and oh God, the horror.

[extremely annoyed]
Fine, we’ll go to school.

[BOB and ED then walk to school. As soon as they get there, they split off, get a pass from their house offices and head off to first hour.]

[breathing heavily]
Okay, I’m finally at school and there are no more buses or road construction. Crap, I hope first hour isn’t over yet.

[Bob checks his watch and sees that it is 9:00.]

[running to get to class]
Good, I still have ten minutes left. Wait, why am I running again if I still have ten minutes?

[BOB arrives in first hour and gets the immediate stare of doom from MS. GRINGBOTTOM.]

Ms. Gringbottom
Bob, why are you late to class.

It’s because my bus was late and I-

Ms. Gringbottom
[yelling loudly]

But I have a pass from my house office that says-

Ms. Gringbottom
Do you really think that I care about some stupid piece of paper? The fact of the matter is, you were more than an hour late to class. I’m going to be sure to give you. Saturday school for a month.

You can’t do that! Cruel and unusual punishment is illegal. Besides, it’s not my fault the damn bus didn’t show up

Ms. Gringbottom
There are some exceptions, this is just one of them.

You’re the biggest bit-

[The bell rings]

Thank god I got out of that class.

[BOB then runs into ED.]

This is certainly not good.

I know what you mean.

My teacher gave me Saturday school for a month. Now my friends will shun me, my teachers will look at me as another average kid, I won’t-

[interrupting and speaking loudly]
I know Ed, I’ve heard it all before. My teacher is so retarded. Cruel and unusual punishment is illegal, she’s lucky I don’t sue her ass off. This is so gay it’s almost-

[PRINCIPAL PETERSON hears the conversation]

Principal Peterson
Did you just call your teacher retarded and gay?

Yes, why?

Principal Peterson
That is offensive to gay and retarded people

That is the gayest rule that I have ever heard.

Principal Peterson
Now you too? I have no choice but to suspend you both for disrespect towards retarded and gay people.

That’s a load of-

Principal Peterson
Both of you, get out of my school before I have you thrown out.

[BOB and ED leave the school and walk to Bob’s house. With nothing better to do, they decide to sit around and complain.]

This sucks, the bus doesn’t show up, we walk to school, get Saturday school and get suspended. Now my friends will shun me, my teachers will-

Really, because I had no idea [pauses] Hey Ed, are you sick of buses that don’t show up.

Yes, it screwed everything up

Are you sick of teachers who abuse their power just because of the fact that they’re teachers?

Yeah, who wouldn’t be?

If you could change the school, would you?

Yeah, but what’s with all the questions?

Ed my friend, we are going to change the school and I’ll tell you how we’re going to do it. Ed, we are going to TAKE OVER THE SCHOOL.

Radical Interpretation
I think the poem "Never offer your heart to someone who eats hearts" is about heart eating canibals. It talks about finding heart meat delicous, sucking the juices from it drop by drop, and grins with blood on his chin. That sound a lot like a canibal to me, doesn't it. it says " send it shuffling from side to side to side in his mouth like bubblegum,"thats pretty sick chubs. It tells you how to protect your heart from canibals by freezing it, so they will find it "flinty and unappetizing."Overall, I think Alice Walker wrote this poem to tell about canibals and how to protect yourself from them.